You and Your Human

by Fern

My life has now settled. At five I’ve learned much that makes life worthwhile. I know where the softest sleeping spots can be found. From first to last light I can find the window which happens to be the brightest and warmest. It takes no effort at all to get the pats and scratches I demand as humans are just so predictable. Certain meows elicit appropriate responses. I know if I meow and lift my head at the same time, I’ll get my head scratched. When I jump on the butcher block, I don’t get reprimanded, I get attention. If I don’t eat the food in the dish, it miraculously gets replaced. The water is always fresh, though not as cold as I’d like. I’m still working on that one. Spread the litter and a maid appears, disguised as my human, who sweeps and cleans the area. My human evens sleeps around me even though I’m not quite sure she realizes how accommodating she is. When I sit on the table next to the bed, my psychic energy wakes my human up who pats me and rolls over. I do this only on occasion to test my power of suggestion. It always works. I am generous in sharing my mousies. Three have been left in the hall as a surprise when my human wakes up in the morning. She is so well trained I get complimented on being such a good hunter. My human removes the dearly departed without a single yelp, or yuk or eek. Training your human is a never ending project. New problems requiring novel solutions spring up unexpectedly. Don’t get discouraged. Remember humans can be easily trained. Be patient. Ignoring them is often a good tool to force the appropriate behavior, but rubs and kisses are also great rewards. Decide what will work for you. In time, you will have a happy, obedient human. The result is well worth the effort.