Spring Is Here and So is Clarence.

by Henri of Twin Brooke

I love it when friends come to call but I must admit the yowling and howling which awakened me from my nap one early spring day, did not put me in the proper mood. At first I thought it might be the terrified cries of a creature about to meet a dastardly end. I listened more closely. The sounds were vaguely familiar. A meow is a meow after all. Leaning on my shoulder, Helen looked out the window into the garden. “Henri!” she meowed loudly, “it’s Clarence of Evergreen Lake!” “Clarence!” I hissed. “What’s he doing, wandering around the streets like a homeless pussy? He’s a housecat now!” I peered out the window at the evergreen bushes below and there hidden among the branches, were Clarence of Evergreen and of course, Raymond Hazelwitz, rodent activist. I pried the window open. “What’s up?” I growled. “Is that you Clarence? What’s all the meowing about?” Raymond grinned up at me. “Yes, it’s Clarence,” he chattered. “He has some news for you. Tell him, Clarence!” Clarence lowered his gaze. “Well, I decided to take voice lessons,” he meowed softly. “You did what?” I growled. “You can’t sing! Remember that fiasco last summer when I had a sky viewing party and you and Elvis from the planet Elini started singing and all the cats joined in and then some humans called the police because the neighbors thought we had been attacked by terrorists. We all had to run and hide! It was so embarrassing! Who told you that you had a nice meow, for cat’s sake?” “Well, Elvis thought I had a wonderful meow, deep and filled with vibrato and resonance. I am also trying my paw at composing....” growled Clarence, smoothing his whiskers. “What has your person been feeding you, Clarence? Are you happy? Do you miss your friends at Evergreen Lake. Perhaps antidepressants would help....” I meowed. “I am very happy, you dumb cat!” hissed Clarence. “I am allowed out of the house once a month to visit the Evergreen Lake and Carlyle is doing a magnificent job of managing the colony. We are the very best of friends! Everyone is very happy to see me. They received plenty of food to see them through the winter. And they all think I look great! So there, smartycat!” His stuck his tongue out at me. “I came here to let you know how happy I am and to invite you to a party. My person allows me to entertain my friends and will provide extra litter boxes for my guests as well as treats and easily digestible milk. There will also be boiled chicken strips and cheddar cheese.” Helen pushed me aside with her hind foot. “We would love to come to your party, wouldn’t we Erika!” she purred loudly. “And you look wonderful Clarence! Your fur is so clean and the scars on you face and ears are barely visible now.” With those remarks, Helen gave me a painful jab in the stomach with both her hind feet. “He looks a bit tubby to me,” I hissed. “I think he’s put on a bit of weight around the middle.” Raymond Hazelwitz’s whiskers quivered. “Meow, meow! I see Pussycat’s eyes have turned green,” he squeaked. “I’m not the least bit jealous!” I growled, taking a swipe at Raymond’s head. He artfully dodged my paw. It’s just that I don’t believe he can sing!” “You’ll come to my party, then?” Clarance asked, directing his meows, not to me, but to Erika and Helen. “Oh, we would love to come to your party, Clarence!” purred Helen and Erika in unison. “Could I come too,” meowed Sidney wiping sleep from his eyes. “I guess........” meowed Clarence, without enthusiasm. “I’ll drop by next week to let you know the date of the party.” He bowed slightly. Suddenly, the air was filled with the most atrocious sounds. The birds are singing The bugs are winging. The flowers are in bloom That’s the end of all that gloom. The sun is shining The squirrels are pining Their tails are bushy Their nests are cushy Spring has sprung It’s all begun! Erika and Helen clapped their paws together. “How wonderful, Clarence! How meaningful! How profound!” they purred loudly. I’ve yet to discover how those two cats can purr and meow together in perfect harmony. Raymond wagged his paw at me and chattered softly, out of earshot of Clarence, Helen and Erika. “I thought I should tell you, Clarence’s party is combined with his song recital....” He grimaced and covered his ears with his paws. “Oh, no!” I groaned. “I should have thrown myself off of the garage roof this morning and ended it all!” “You don’t have a garage roof, Pussycat!” With that remark, Raymond Hazelwitz, turned tail and jogged out of the garden, his little feet leaving prints in the wet garden soil.