Ghost Story

by Henri of Twin Brook

As I have mentioned before, there is a d*g named Ashley who resides with us, in this house. She isn't the brightest creature in the universe and at times she does present a problem for us kitties. Ashley loves to chase Helen, even when Helen is standing still, licking her paws. Helen is always offended by this behavior. Among a particular action which annoys both human and feline in this household, is Ashley's constant attempts to gain access to the basement. Now, for many reasons, that part of the house is sacred to us cats. Our bathrooms are downstairs and the laundry room is also there. The laundry room provides us with stacks of newly washed clothing which are wonderful for those moments when one wishes to get away for quiet naps. "Why can't I go down there?" barked Ashley one morning as Erika quickly slipped through the narrow opening to the basement. "Why did our persons fix the door so it won't open wide enough to let me get through?" "Ashley," I purred, "a basement is no place for a dog. It is very dirty down there. You could fall into the washing machine and accidently get laundered and spun dry. More d*gs have suffered permanent trauma from falling into the washing machine. We wouldn't want that to happen to you, now would we?" That answer did not satisfy Ashley for more than a few days. The whining and complaining started again, this time louder and more persistent. I, as well as the other cats were really getting provoked by it. Occasionally, even Sidney, who puts up with a lot of nonsense from the mutt, started taking swings at the canine chops. Still nothing would silence that d*g! Everyday it was the same old bark. "Why won't they let me go into the basement?" One morning, a few weeks ago, Raymond Hazelwitz, rodent activist waved to me as he zoomed past my window during his early morning run. "What's up, Pussycat?" he chattered loudly. "I could use your help," I meowed, watching Raymond come to a skidding halt, leaving a trail of dust behind him. "At your service," he bowed deeply. "What can I do for you?" I told him the story about Ashley's constant badgering about going down into the basement. His whiskers twitched as he pondered the problem. His eyes twinkled. "Tell the d*g that horrible monsters which eat only canines, live in the basement!" I shrugged my shoulders, flicking my tail in exasperation. "Oh Raymond, she would only want to see them for herself..... "That could be arranged.........," squeaked Raymond. "Let me see what I can do. I'll get back to you in a few days." Without another word, he sped away, rustling the fallen leaves in his path. Two days later, Raymond beamed up at me from below the computer window, Clarence, the leader of the Evergreen Lake Colony stood at his side. "I think we can solve your problem!" chattered the rodent, loudly. "Clarence here, would make an excellent ghost!" I looked at the cat, from ear to tail. He was big, even bigger than I, but his dusty, matted coat, and tattered ears, did not make him look ghostlike to me. "He doesn't look as if he has passed on to the netherworld to me, Raymond," I meowed. "Can you let us into your basement tonight, Henri? If we look around, I'm sure we'll find something which might convince the mutt that the basement is the home of a terrible, d*g eating ghost." Raymond grinned from ear to ear. Clarence just sat there, occasionally shrugging his shoulders and flicking tail. "I can pry the window open. That's not a problem," I meowed. "See you tonight.." They arrived shortly after dusk, with another tom cat, named Carlyle.. He was a quite a bit larger than either Clarence or I but had a pleasant face and cheerful disposition. "This should be a lot of fun!" he purred. "I love to scare d*gs! Why just a month ago, I..." Clarence put his paw over Carlyle's mouth. "Spare us the details!" growled Clarence. "We have work to do." Together we scoured the basement for something which could turn Clarence and Carlyle into ghostly apparitions.. Naturally, being a pack rat himself, it was Raymond who found the perfect material. Quickly, he pulled them from the stack of clean, neatly folded laundry. "Hey, Henri, give a paw," he squeaked, as he struggled with a large piece of cloth. "What's this?" "It's a pillowcase," announced Helen, who was standing at the bottom of the staircase, watching us. "There should be two of them." "Indeed! Perfect! One for Clarence and one for Carlyle," chattered Raymond happily. He instructed the two kitties to pull the pillowcases over their heads. "Behold!! Ghosts in the celler!" "Hey, you guys!" growled Clarence. "I can't see! Do you want us to fall over and break our whickers?" "I can help you there, fellows," purred Helen, sauntering over as if she weren't the least bit impressed with our project. "I think you are being rather foolish to want to frighten Ashley like that but frankly, I sometimes can't abide that mutt! Fortunately, I am very clever with scissors and other tools. It would only take a few minutes to cut holes in the cases so Clarence and Carlyle will be able to see where they are going." Quickly, she ran upstairs and retrieved a pair of scissors and instructed the two cats to once again, pull the cases over their heads. Deftly, with a pen, she marked the area where the eye holes should be cut and added to slits at the side so feline paws could stick through and control the movement of the fabric. It took her only a few minutes to finish. "Whoo! Whoo! Rawr! Merawwwww!" growled Clarence and Carlyle. "Pretty good, huh?" "Frightening," said Helen, approvingly. "I hope you cats have a good time. Frankly, I don't want anymore to do with this stunt of yours." Holding her tail high, she pranced upstairs. "Isn't that just like a queen?' I meowed to the Clarence and Carlyle. "I do hope this will solve the problem. Sidney was watching us from the top of the stairs. I shook my paw at him. And you, Sidney, keep your meows to yourself. Not one mew to Ashley, do you hear?" We agreed to pull off our little project within the next three days, the nights my persons will go out in the evening. "As soon as it gets dark, come over. I will leave the window open for you." They agreed. Raymond would gather the troops, so to speak and bring them over. When they had left, I carefully hid the altered pillowcases and impatiently waited for the night we could convince Ashley, that the basement was forbidden territory. The night arrived. My fur prickled with excitement. I waited for my persons to drive away. When darkness settled upon the horizon, I opened the basement window. Clarence and Carlyle as well as Raymond were waiting, crouching under the bushes. Quickly they crawled through the window and jumped to the floor. They pulled the pillowcases over their head. "Bring on the d*g!" growled Clarence. That was easier said than done. Ashley was certain, certain death might await her in the depths of the cellar. "Look, Ashley," I hissed, "you've always wanted to see what is down in the basement. Now is your chance. Our persons won't be back for hours." 'Try putting d*g biscuits on the stairs," meowed Helen. "All the animal thinks about is her stomach." "Good idea, Helen." I carried the box of biscuits to the top of the stairs and carefully placed a few on each step. When I arrived at the last step, I called to Ashley. "Come on poochie, see what's down here. Greed replaced caution. Ashley ran to the basement door. She bounded down the steps, pausing only briefly to snare the biscuits in her teeth. When she had reached the very last step, Clarence and Carlyle, clothed in white pillowcases, undulated toward the d*g, waving their paws in the air, screeching at the top of their feline lungs, "Merraaw, rawwr, rawwr, muraaaw." Raymond had painted their claws with iridescent nail polish. The effect was awesome. Ashley stopped her bounding. Her eyes grew wide. She squealed in horror. Her long floppy ears and tail stood straight up in the air. I have never seen that happen before...It took her but seconds to back up the stairs, her hind legs thrashing wildly, in search of the next step. I have never seen that happen before either. I didn't know that dogs could walk backwards so quickly... Once free of the basement, she dove under the bed, moaning and groaning in despair and freight. For a very brief moment, I almost felt sorry for the dog. I thanked Clarence and Carlyle for their help. They shrugged their shoulders. "No problem." "I doubt Ashley will ever try to venture into the basement again. My persons will be really happy about that." I shook Raymond's outstretched paw. "You've come through again, old friend." "Oh, they will be overwhelmed with happiness and jumping up and down with joy when they see those pillowcases with the big holes cut in them. At thirty dollars for the matched set, they will be forever grateful." Sidney grinned at me from the top of the staircase. Well, there is always a downside to everything....... Of course, our persons were bound to discover Helen's pillowcase alteration..... Just asking, but have any of you kitties ever heard a human female growl? It is truly a terrifying experience!