A Matter of Taste

by Henri of Twin Brook

It was a day in late spring, warm and gentle with breezes softly wafting through the trees, newly leafed with the season's vibrant green. I sniffed the air, holding my head above the fragrant herbs which had thrust their way through the sun drenched earth. I closed my eyes, meditating on the wonders of nature and all its wondrous glories. Well, nature and all its wondrous glories suddenly crashed down about my ears and tail when an ear shattering shriek rent the aforementioned gentle breezes. "Get out!!! Get out, you nasty, vile, disgusting creature!!!! Get out of my garden!"

Raymond Hazelwitz, rodent activist came crashing through the bushes, gasping for breath, his eyes bulging with fear and loathing. "I hope that monster doesn't climb trees!" he chattered loudly. "Does it have a name, Henri?"

"It's our neighbor, Irma Snow. She can be difficult at times. Human's can be like that, Raymond." I patted him on the back, to calm his frazzled nerves. "What happened? Why did you let her see you? It's the middle of the day."

Slowly Raymond regained his composure. "It was all very innocent. Really it was....I wasn't stealing anything or chewing on anyone's Louis XIV style sofa or making a house in someone's mattress. I was merely crossing that monster's backyard when I saw her standing underneath the awning on the deck. She was feeding peanuts to a squirrel, coaxing it to her with nice words. I really wanted some peanuts. I watched for a few moments and then thought to myself, 'heck, I'm almost like a squirrel except for maybe a few minor differences'. So I slowly approached the happy couple, grinning from ear to ear, showing my pearly whites in friendship and the human went whacko, I tell you she went completely out of it! She started throwing things, like her shoes and stuff!"

I nodded. "I can imagine. It must have been very traumatic," I purred , "but out of curiosity, why do you believe you are like a squirrel, Raymond?"

"We're both rodents, pussycat! There's really no difference. Why our genes are almost the same."

"What about your tail, Raymond? Does it resemble my friend Shirley's royal plumage?" I meowed.

Raymond sighed. "Yeah, well a squirrel does have a big, fluffy appendage hanging off its rear. Mine is a bit stark." Raymond sighed again, clicking his teeth together. "Let's face it Henri. I have an ugly tail. It's long and skinny without any fur. It really isn't very attractive, is it?"

"Well, Raymond," I purred, trying to comfort him and sooth his wounded ego, "a rat is more than just his tail. It's the total rat that I think about, his intellect, his charm, his wit and cleverness, his courage and compassion....."

"Okay, okay, pussycat. But I bet you wouldn't want a tail like mine, would you now?"

"No," I hissed. "I really wouldn't want a tail like yours...I tell you what, tonight, after dark, I'll go with you and retrieve Irma Snow's shoes. Obviously, if she threw them at you, she couldn't have wanted them anymore. I'm sure your mate, Brenda could find a good use for them."

"That's a good idea! I never really thought about retrieving the items humans have thrown at me! I could make a fortune! Have you ever heard of anyone throwing a sapphire bracelet or a diamond necklace or maybe a Rembrandt or a Van Gogh...?"

"It could happen, I suppose," I meowed.

"You're a good friend, pussycat!".