Henri the Job Seeker

by Henri of Twin Brook

As usual, on this bright and sunny day, I was sitting on the sill of my favorite window in the computer room. The window had been opened a bit to let in fresh air and as I crouched down to get a whiff of the forsythia blooming a few feet from my nose, I heard the chattering of a familiar voice. It was Raymond Hazelwitz, rodent activist, squeaking. "Hi there, pussycat! Got a minute?"

"Hello, Raymond," I meowed. "What can I do for you today?" I had become resigned to being addressed as 'pussycat'.

Quickly, Raymond climbed up the forsythia bush and made a nimble leap onto the ledge outside the window. Without a moan or a groan, a sigh or a cry, the rat flattened himself into a wafer thin sliver of fur and slipped through the narrow opening between pane and sill. He stood up on his hind legs, shook himself and smoothed the fur on his belly. "It gets harder every time I do that," he chattered.

"I would have been happy to open the window a bit more, Raymond," I purred. "No sense in straining whatever it is you strain."

"Thanks, Henri, but I need the practice. You never know when you need to make a hasty exit from a tight situation." He grinned at me, his long front teeth glistening in the light. "Do you happen to have newspaper, by any chance?"

"I have a local daily paper over there," I meowed, pointing to a stack of newspapers sitting on the floor next to the computer. "What's up?"

"I'm looking for employment," replied the rodent. "I need some extra cash to help out with the Evergreen Lake project. Clarence told me yesterday, that ten new cats joined the colony."

"Oh, my!" I hissed. "That could stress the resources considerably. But how could you, getting a job help out, Raymond? Are there many rodents in business?"

Raymond threw back his head and chattered. "There are all kinds of rats in the business world, Henri. Don't you watch the evening news on television?"

"Hmmm," I mewed. "Yeah, I know what you mean. But what kind of position do you think you or even I, as a cat, could hold? What talents do we have that are sellable?'

Raymond flipped through the pages of the newspaper until he had reached the 'classifieds' and began to run his paw down the columns. "Now here's something we could do, Henri. Landscaping!!"

"Landscaping!" I growled. "Isn't that when you put in bushes and trees and stuff? How could we be landscapers? I'm not big enough to lift a tree or bush or even dig a reasonable hole to fit the roots."

"Yeah, you're right, pussycat," sighed Raymond. "But I don't think we could go into retail or the used car business. Who would buy a car or television from a rat or for that matter, a cat...?"

"Well, then," I suggested, "how about baby sitting or child care?"

Raymond shook his head. "Not a good idea. The minute the kid pulled your tail or grabbed your ears, you'd haul off and let 'em have it right in the chops. I'd do the same thing. Only the little monster would have a few teeth marks for payback. Neither you nor I have the patience around young humans. We really don't have any patience around old humans......I heard you nipped the boss man a few years back, Henri."

"No, that wasn't me, Raymond," I meowed. "My housemate, Desdemona, famous cat author, bit our person. It was an accident. He was trying to shove a pill down her throat....."

"Serves the brute right," snickered Raymond. "I hope she gave him a good one!"

I looked at Raymond sternly, "That brute keeps me in litter and cat food......And a leather couch and a window for viewing and a soft bed and......."

"Okay!! Okay! I get the message!" For a few minutes, Raymond was quiet and thoughtful, holding his chin on his paw. "Let me talk this up with my mate, Brenda. She lives with a human and speaks humanspeak. Or maybe it's that he talks rat-ese. I'll get back with you tomorrow." A moment later, he had slithered through the window and was climbing down the forsythia bush. I continued to search the 'help wanted' columns in the newspaper. Only one entry caught my eye. 'Wanted-Rodent control technician'. I quickly dismissed the thought, folded up the paper and took a nap.

The next morning, Raymond was scratching on the window pane. His gray fur glistened with morning dew. The colorful scarf wrapped about his neck was limp with moisture. "Open up, pussycat," he chattered.

Quickly I pulled up on the window frame. Raymond walked through the widened opening, his back straight and his head high. He patted his stomach. "Not quite in the mood for sucking in the gut, this morning! Not as young as I used to be, doncha know..."

I patted my own sagging belly. "How well I know the feeling, Raymond. Did you come up with some ideas?" I meowed.

"As a matter of fact, yes!" He grinned at me, flashing his sharp white teeth. "Me and my mate, Brenda came up with a terrific idea. Of course she had to consult with her person you know, but he thought the idea was fantastic!"

"By person, you mean human?" I glared at him. I know and trust my own persons, but strangers had always gotten my fur in a bind. "Are you sure we can trust this human, Raymond?"

"With my life, pussycat! Would I lie to you? Now here me out!" Raymond puffed up his chest and stood on tippy toe. "This human named Leon owns a landscaping business. And he needs help, like he needs someone who can weed and plant seeds and put down fertilizer. So he needs us! Like he needs you and me and maybe Sebastian and even that idiot housemate of yours, Sidney."

"Hmmm." I purred. "Leon is a strange name for a human. Back in the old days I knew a tom cat named who lived on Whalley Avenue, named Leon....Well, okay, count me in if you really think you believe it is safe..."

"You have an appointment for an interview with Leon this afternoon. Get your fur groomed, wash behind your ears and straighten your whiskers. On a job interview, a cat must look presentable...." chattered Raymond.

"What should I meow during the interview? I've never had an interview for employment or anything else for that matter," I hissed. My heart had begun to thump in my chest.

"Look, pussycat! Just do the usual cat stuff. Rub up against his shins. Reach up and touch his knee with your paw. Purr a lot. Purr up a roar. Roll on your back and ask for a belly rub. Brenda says he's a sucker for that kind of stuff." Raymond sniffed loudly and wiped his nose on his paw. "Darn allergy. And I left my handkerchief at home...." I offered him the tip of my tail.

I had the interview which went extremely well. I did all the things that Raymond told me to do and then some. I added a few of my own, like nibbling on the human's finger tips and licking his nose. Sebastian, Raymond and I started work the very next day, pulling weeds, planting sunflower seeds and digging little holes for bulbs and spreading fertilizer. Of course, we have to wear gloves and nose masks when we work with chemicals and at the end of the day, we are all very tired. We are tired and happy. At the end of the week, we had earned a case of cat food for our friends over at the Evergreen Lake cat colony. After the third day, I did ask Sidney to join us, but he spent most of his time chasing bugs around in the grass instead of working. Then one of the bugs bit him on the nose and that sort of ended Sidney's days as a working cat.......The job will last until fall and with more cats helping the landscaper, we will be able to earn a lot of cat food for our friends. Right now, I'm a very happy and proud cat. And I'm grateful to Raymond for coming up with this splendid idea. Perhaps if enough cats become landscaping assistants , we will form a union and charge dues, and if we feel our wages are inadequate, we will go on strike and form a picket line and stuff like that....Or maybe, I'll just be a happy, working cat...I could live with that.

Henri of Twin Brook May/2003