The Right Cat for the Job

by Kitty the Great

Kitty the Great enters Pest Extinguishers confidently, with tail and head held high.

Miss Spidifingers: "May I help you?"

KTG: "Yes Ma'am! I'm applying for the Exterminator job you had advertised. I have a 2:30 appointment with Mr. Buggsy B. Gone. I know I'm a little early but I'm a firm believer in punctuality!"

Miss Spidifingers: (glancing at the clock which reads 12:15) "Yes, Mr. Great... I can tell. Well, Mr. Gone just stepped out for lunch. If you'd like you may have a cushion in the waiting room. He'll be back shortly.

Kitty curls up on a cushion and waits patiently.

As he's waiting he can't help but notice a fly buzzzzing all around on the window. He tries to ignore it. He tries to stay cool. But the fly just keeps buzzing... and buzzing... and ...

Kitty jumps up on the sill, accidently knocking over the african violets, SWATS the fly, killing it dead, and returns to his cushion very quietly and calmly leaving the fly and thinking this might be good evidence of his abilities.

Miss Spidifingers scowls at Kitty, and proceeds to clean up his mess.

The clock tick tick ticks and Kitty is very patiently waiting. Out of the corner of his eye he sees a flash of movement. He's pretty sure it was "gray" movement... but he waits. A moment later, just behind the end table he sees it again. It's a mouse. He's nearly positive it is a mouse. He glances toward the receptionist... she's busy typing... he ever so slowly creeps... nearly belly crawls... over to the end table. Sure enough. A little mouse is huddled behind the back leg, eating a peanut. It looks right at Kitty. It smiles... it laughs... and the chase is on!!!

Behind the couch, through the table, onto the desk, around the computer, up onto the bookcase, down the pole lamp, across the carpet, under the table, over the man waiting patiently for his interview.... (brief rest... pant, pant, pant) .... behind the magazine rack, across the table (scattering mints), up the rubber tree plant, flying broad jump to fax machine, into the bookcase and behind Vermin Annihilation Volume II. Kitty lays down on the shelf to await mousie's exit.

Mousie: (poking out barely a nose) "You are fast kitty, but you will NEFFUR catch me!"

KTG: (slight smile) "They don't call me mouser extrordinairre for nothing mousie! Rest up... you'll need your energy."

Mousie: "Hmpfh! We'll see about that! I didn't live 6 years by getting eaten!"

After about 10 minutes, mousie gets tired of hanging behind the books. Kitty appears to be taking a little nap, and mousie makes his move. He creeps down behind Vermin Annihilation Volume VII - and indeed up on top of it. Watching Kitty carefully, he leaps from the book into the hanging plant! Now he is thinking "ahhhh, kitty, you have lost this battle". But Kitty just continues to lay on the shelf taking his nap.

In the meantime, the man who has been patiently awaiting his interview checks his watch and asks the receptionist...

Man: "Pardon me, Miss Spidifingers, my interview was scheduled for 12:30, and it is now 12:45... I really can't wait much longer."

Miss Spidifingers: "I am very sorry Mr. Twillerbee, but Mr. Gone won't be much longer. She glances out the window. Please wait."

At this Kitty opens one eye and checks himself in the mirror behind Miss Spidifingers' desk. A little lick here, a pat there, he's still in shape for his interview. He just waits... one eye on that hanging basket...

Mousie is now getting a little annoyed. He didn't plan to stay in the hanging basket all day! Keeping a close eye on Kitty, he hops up onto the rim of the basket, toward the back, where Kitty can't see him. He makes a leap for the windowsill, and bounds down onto the floor, tearing across the marble tiles as quickly as his little claws will let him!

Kitty is on him before he hit's the carpet and mousie just squeaks out from under Kitty's paw making it safely to the drybar. Whew! That was close! Huddling under the drybar, he knows he is safe. Kitty can't fit under there.

But Kitty's paws can fit. He likes this game! As Kitty paws this end, mousie runs to that end. Back and forth, back and forth. Then shoving his other paw under the other end, mousie runs back! Oooops! Two paws! No where to run!!! YIKES! Kitty craftily swipes both paws together and pulls them out quickly bringing mousie with them! Kitty has no claws, but he doesn't need them. He has mousie firmly in his grip. Kitty licks his lips and smiles at mousie.

Kitty: "I could eat you now, but I'm full from lunch."

Mousie: "Oh no! It's no good to interview feeling stuffed! Makes you appear lazy!"

Kitty: "Or I can kill you now, and save you for later."

Mousie: "Oh you don't want to eat ME! I'm an old mouse and not to tastey!"

Kitty: "Or I can just hang on to you... put you in my mouth for safekeeping... and show Mr. Gone just what a truly extrordinary exterminator I am..."

Miss Spidifingers: "Excuse me Mr. Twillerbee? I'm sorry. Mr. Gone isn't going to be able to meet with you this afternoon. Something has come up. We'll give you a call to reschedule. I'm very sorry."

As Mr. Twillerbee leaves the office he hears a tiny little voice say "Mr. Great, you're HIRED! Let me introduce myself. I am Mr. Buggsy B. Gone! Miss Spidifingers? Give this cat a company hat!"