The Kitty Cookie Caper

by Kitty The Great

Do you remember that year we went to Canada?  And the family toured the old Nabisco Cookie Factory down on the corner of 42nd and Pearl?  Ohhhh that's right!  You didn't come on that trip!  Well... let me tell you ... I will never forget that cookie factory!    It was a Friday afternoon and the kids didn't want to leave me  all alone in the  hotel room, so they tucked me down inside of meowmies hand bag and off we all went.  I was just a kitten then, and didn't weigh much so meowmie hardly noticed me, except for when I wiggled.  Well, we got to the factory in time for the last tour of the day and it was a furry interesting tour -- if you're into cookies!  I would really have rather been at the Purina Plant... but I don't get a vote on family vacations.  Anyway, first we toured "Corporate Nabisco" where they took us through and showed us the "idea" department -- where a bunch of folks sit around and try to think of "new" cookies to make.  Paw said that's the job he wants in his next life!  And then we went on to the advertising department... Meowmie said she might enjoy to work there!  Being furry creative is what Meowmie likes best!  Then they took us to the "design" department -- that's where they "design" the artwork for the packages.  From there, we went down to the Packaging Plant -- where they create the packaging for all the different products - not just cookies!   And finally they took us next door to the Cookie Factory.   

The first thing I  noticed was how SWEET everything smelled.  The kids loved it, but I'm just not much of a sweet eater, and I thought it was nasty!  They made effurybody put slipcovers on their shoes and dust masks on their faces.  They said it was because they can't take chances on bringing germs into the plant.  I wondered how they would feel about a kitty?   

Next they took us to the area where they mix the cookie dough.  It wasn't like meowmie does it in her kitchen!  It was like  HUGE cement mixers mixing up that stuff!  Tons and tons and tons of it!  They only do one kind of cookie each day.  The day we went they were making Nutter Butters.   So our next stop was the place where they make the peanutbutter filling.  It was hot in there because they  have to cook the filling and get it just the right consistency and all that -- I was roasting down in meowmie's bag -- and I was afraid to poke more than my nose out because I didn't want the man to see me!  He would have kicked us out for sure, and that would have really caused trouble!    

Next we went into the "bakery" - where they actually bake the cookies.  The dough comes down through pipes in the walls -- regular old plumming pipes, and gets squirted into the peanut shaped molds.  One little plop in each "peanut".  Of course, there were about 50 "peanuts" across and about 25 rows on each mold tray!  And the mold trays were lined up like tin soldiers -- about a hundred of them!  This was major cookie  baking I tell ya!  It was all furry big machines, and furry furry noisey!  I wonder if that's how Whiska's makes the little fishy shaped kibble dinners I eat?    I sure did wish we were there instead!   

At the end of the tour, the family got to sit down and have some cookies and milk.  Well, effurybody loved this part of the tour!   

But... this was when it happend!  Meowmie put her bag down on the floor.  I was so hot!  I was really, really hot!  I thought if I could just run into the restroom and get a little drink outta the toilet, I would feel so much better!  And they were eating cookies and laughing, and I knew I'd be right back!  So I did it.  I left the bag.  

It took me a little longer than I thought to find the restroom - it had sounded like it was a lot closer when I first listened.  By the time I got there I was really furry thirsty and I drank and drank and drank some more!  Then my tummy was so full of water that I guess I didn't run furry fast, cuz  when I got back, Meowmie, Paw, and the kids were gone!  Not only that, but the lights were all off and the factory was locked up tight!  I was LOCKED IN!!!  Oh, I was so scared!  What was I going to dO???  

I spent the first five hours trying to find a way out and crying the whole time.  I was one furry sad little kitty.  I was just so scared and so all alone.  It's a furry big factory and I looked all over it for a cracked window or a trash chute or anything!  ANY way out!  There was none though.  The place was locked up tighter than a can of tuna!  Oh mew!  

After a while I was roaming around - still looking for a way out - but not too hopeful anymore - I spotted a bug crawling on the wall.  I batted it down and chased it around for a while.  Bugs always think they are soooo fast -- but I'm so much faster!  Eventually, the temptation was too great and I finally squooshed it and ate it.  It was a nice snack, but my tummy was really starting to rumble.  I hadn't had anything since we left the hotel that morning!  I needed to find some real food!  Now I really really wished we had toured the Purina Plant instead!     

I decided I'd better start exploring some trashcans... surely there had to be SOMEthing a kitty could eat.  I thought I remembered a snack room or something from when I was searching for a window.  I finally found the "canteen" and that turned out to be a furry good place! Must be where the workers eat their lunch, because I found a half of a tunafish sandwich -- had mayonaise, but it would do in a pinch!  There was lots of tossed out hotdogs (certainly not my favorite, but it's something!) and some pieces of hamburger, or soybean burger or something that vaguely resembled meat!  But, the motherload was some leftover broiled perch someone had decided they didn't want!  Oh BOY!  Just the thing for a starving little kitty all trapped and lonely.  I gobbled that up.  Yes ... I did eat all of it.  And then with my tummy all full I crawled back behind one of the machines and went to sleep.  It was nice and warm back there, and when I woke up it was morning and I was hungry again.  I nibbled on the tuna sandwich, but I was careful to save some for later.  I figured it might be the last fish I saw for awhile!  

With the hunger issue under control, I was finally ready to maybe enjoy this little adventure some.  I went looking for something to get into!   

As I was wandering past the bakery and into the packaging part of the plant, something shiney caught my eye.  I looked again and it sort of glittered in the sun.  It was a CASTLE!  Well, not really - but that's what it looked like!  Stacks and stacks and stacks of clear plastic trays.  The kind the cookies get put into before they get wrapped!  It looked soooo inviting, I had to go explore this!  Do you know that a 3 foot stack of plastic trays is NOT furry sturdy?  And that was a short stack!  I jumped up on top of it -- but in the act, I knocked it over.  That wasn't so bad.  There were lots more stacks to try!  Actually... the knocking them over part got to be rather fun!!!  The really tall stacks - the ones I couldn't possible land on top of - those were the really fun ones!  I could take a running start and jump as hiiiiigh as I could and just smack into it up high!  It never hurt, because I always landed on a stack of trays that was already knocked over!  When I got done knocking them all down, then they really were like a castle because I could climb all around - up and down and in and under ... it was AWESOME!!!  I bet I spent half the day playing in those trays!  While I was crawling through them though, I heard a sound.  I went to investigate -- it was something IN the pile with me!  I thought it might be another kitty and we could play together!  It wasn't.  You know what it was?  It was the BIGGEST mouse I effur saw in my life!  Now, I'm not afraid of a little ol' mouse - no sir - as a matter of fact, I'm a darn good mouser!!!  But this mouse was about 3 times my size!    I think it was taking steroids!  I high tailed it out of that place - and quick!  I bet it had fun playing in MY castle too.   

I wandered back through the bakery part - checked out a few trash cans along the way.  Nothing very good in there -- I did stop to play with a rubber glove for a while.  That was fun! And then there was a roach.  I chased him around for an hour or so... then I got bored and let him go.  I figured I might want to play with him again later - and I didn't want to take a chance on eating him like the last one.   Besides, I needed a nap.  I found  a real nice counter in the sun and slept for a long time.   I never sleep that long at home.  Somebody always wants to play with me.  It was kind of nice!  

When I woke up, I was going to go back to the canteen and have a few bites of hotdog, but in my journey I found a "mouse sized" mouse.  The great thing about mice is that they are so entertaining and then they taste so good too!  And being in that big old factory, we had a LOT of room to run and play!  We ran those long hallways up and down and all around!  We were bouncing off the walls and everything!  He was a quick little fellow.  I don't think I'll ever forget him.  Of course, I was even quicker.   He was very tastey -- a little on the small side though - so I went and had a bit of hot dog too.  Then I curled up to sleep for the night, back behind my machine where it was warm.  

When I woke up Sunday morning I was feeling frisky!  I ate the rest of the tuna sandwich and a little bit of a hamburger and then I headed toward the bakery.  There was a ladder in there that I was very curious to see where it went.  I only got side-tracked one time on my way there.  That was when I noticed a fan in the wall at the end of the hall.  I could see outside through it - and I thought maybe I could go home!  I was inspecting it closely - but there was a screen on the other side, so I couldn't get out.  I was going to try to work the screen loose, but all of a sudden the fan made a LOUD noise and slowly started to turn!  I shot out of there like a bolt of lightening!  And just in time too!  It didn't take but a minute before that fan was whirring away!  NOT a good place for a kitty!  

I was pretty sure life would be a little more docile in the bakery.  When I got in there, I realized that ladder was pretty high up -- and it was made of that shiney silver metal.  And it went straight up and down on a big huge pot!  A human could probably climb that ladder pretty easily... but without thumbs, it wasn't looking good for me!  There were some pipes and a small box, all made out of the same shiney metal -- but I thought I might be able to make it up to that box and then walk along the pipes... it was UP there though.  Well, I tried.  And I tried again.  And I continued to try.  This is what comes from being locked in a place and being bored.  On my 86th attempt, I finally made it!  I do have very strong legs.  The only problem was it was so darn slippery up there, I almost fell off the other side!  I would have too but there was a pipe right behind it and I spread myself out and pushed back!!!  It was precarious - but I managed to stay up.  Now, all I had to do was step c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y onto that pipe and not slip off and then jump up onto that next pipe and not slip off that one either.  That one would lead all the way over to the top of the ladder!  I was very very careful and I inched along.  I had all day.  No sense in rushing it.  I bet it took me an hour to get from one end to the other -- but I made it!  I was so purrrrrroud of myself!  Now, I just needed to step onto the top rung of the ladder and stretch up and I would be able to see what was IN this huge pot!  Only when I did, I couldn't see!  The pot was very very very deep.  And whatever was in it, didn't come up high enough for me to see it!  Without even thinking twice, I jumped up on to the rim of that pot, and don't you know it was a very thin rim!  Before you could say "flea", I slipped ... over the edge and into the pot!  And then I knew what was in the pot!  

Me.  I was in the pot.  It was a big ol' pot of nothing!  Why are humans so stupid?  Why would some human leave a BIG HUMONGOUS ol' pot of nothing sitting around for an innocent kitty to fall into?  Humans are the stupidest breed!   

So... there I was, stuck in the pot.  Life was getting very ugly.  Of course it was all silver and shiney.  Of course a kitty couldn't claw his way out if his whole entire life depended upon it.  Of course a kitty couldn't even get a grip on it to climb back out again!  Well... I'm sure you know what I did next.  I cried.  And I cried and cried and cried.  And when I got tired of crying I curled up and slept in that cold hard pot.  I felt like a cannned kitty!  All alone and scared.  And trapped.  And sure I was going to be in big BIG trouble!  And so it went through the whole long night.  Sleep and cry and sleep and cry.  I was so hungry.  I was so thirsty.  I was so scared.   

When I woke up the next morning it was to the sound of voices coming into the plant.   I couldn't decide what to do.  I wanted to be so quiet so no one would find me.  But I also wanted to get out of that pot!  I paced for a while... around and around the pot.  Finally I heard some voices come into the bakery.  They sounded like very sweet ladies.  They were laughing and talking about their weekend and their little grandbabies.  I couldn't help it.  I started to cry and cry!  It took a little while, but they finally heard me.  I knew cuz one of them said "What was that?  D'ju hear that Nora?  It sounds like a baby crying"  I told you I was still a baby back then.   The other lady said "Noooo Sheri... I think it's a cat!"  Well, they were both right!   When they finally figured out where I was, they could hardly believe it.  They called for a janitor and he came and climbed the ladder.  When he looked in the pot he still couldn't believe it.   He wanted to know HOW I got in there!  I wished I could have told him -- my jumping skills really are the best!  But they weren't good enough to get me out of the pot!  He couldn't reach me either.  He had to go back down and get a net with a long handle on it.  I don't know what he usually catches with it -- but that time he caught me.  I didn't like that at all!  I was really really scared.  But when he caught me, he was real nice.  He said how sweet and adorable I was.  And those ladies took me and made baby noises all over me.  They took me all around and asked everybody if they knew me.  Of course, nobody did.  The guy they called the "manager" - he was mean!  He didn't like me at all.  While they were busy getting me out of the pot, he apparently found what I'd done with their castle.  He said somebody was gonna have to pay for that!   

The lady took me up to the cafe' - where I lost my family to begin with.  They gave me some milk and they were talking about who was going to keep me.  I couldn't let that happen!  I already had a perfectly good family.  I was starting to plan my escape when the manager guy came out and said that my family had called!  They were on their way down to get me!  He took me back into his office.  Said he wanted to make sure he got to meet my family personally.  I thought maybe I should continue to plan my escape...   

When Meowmie and Paw got there, they were very apologetic to the man and said of course, they would pay for everything.  They acted like it was all their fault!    They said they were just so happy that he didn't send me to the pound!  I don't even know what a pound is ... but if it's worse than a cookie factory, I don't want to go there!!!