Wrapping Presents....

by Henri of Twin Brook

What caught my attention that morning was not the chirping of the birds or the sounds and smells of brewing coffee but the bumping sounds against the stairs which led to the second floor. Naturally as head cat of the household, I rushed to investigate. There was Sidney, backing down the stairs, a roll of Christmas wrapping clenched tightly in his jaws. Inch by inch he moved downward until one slip of a hind paw sent him plunging headlong toward the bottom. He thumped to a halt, the roll of paper unraveling on top of him. "MEEEEEOOOOW" he shrieked.

"What do you think you're doing, Sidney?" I hissed, gathering up paper and cat.

Sidney brushed the dust from his coat and straightened his fur. He sniffed loudly, wiping his nose on his front paw.

"I'm going to wrap some presents," he meowed, still sniffing. "Every one thinks I'm so stupid, so clumsy, so incapable of doing anything right. I'm going to prove to every cat in this household that I am talented feline, possessing great artistic skills."

"It's true, Sidney," I meowed, "you do have few redeeming qualities. At least there are none that we have noticed...but why do you find a need to wrap presents? Did you buy anything to give to someone else besides yourself?"

"Well, no," he mewed, "but I spent all my allowance on treats. You know "cat treats", like the ones I have in the morning and before I go to bed..."

"So you have no presents to wrap?" I inquired.

"I don't, but you do....I know you bought a few things for our persons and for Helen, Erika and whatever," he purred. "You could let me have one of those you bought for our persons and I could wrap it and put a tag on it and they would think it was from me......Then they would think I was a better cat....."

"Sidney," I replied, trying to keep my meow soft, "regardless of how many presents you might give to them, our persons would never think better of you. It is impossible for anyone, cat or human to think better of you, but in the spirit of the season, I will permit you to wrap one of my gifts."

"Great!" shouted Sidney. "Where's the Scotch tape and the bows. I'll get started right now..."

"I think you might need a little help, Sidney. Using paper and tape can be very tricky for a cat. You know, we don't have thumbs..."

"I'll do it by myself!" hissed Sidney. "I don't need your help, smarty pants! Where's the present?"

I led him upstairs and pointed to one of the boxes I had hidden under the bed. Then I left, somewhat peeved at Sidney's attitude. I sat on the window sill in the computer room and watched the birds flying about in the garden. After a strenuous fifteen minutes of close observation, I fell asleep. I dreamt of catnip and toys. I dreamt of warm beds and sofas and watching Animal Planet with my person at my side...I dreamt I heard the birds chirping their cheery songs and heard the sounds of the clock ticking in the hallway. I dreamt I heard the anguished cries of a cat!

"Henri! Henri! Come quickly! Sidney Scotched taped himself to the leg of the chair! Wake up! Wake up, Henri!" Helen frantically pulled at my tail. I shook sleep from my eyes and bolted upright, nearly falling from my perch on the window sill.

"What happened!" I demanded. Helen eyes were wide with fear.

"I don't know how it happened, Henri! Sidney was trying to put wrapping paper around a box and was trying to put tape on the paper and it got stuck on his paws and then it got stuck on his tail and he got really upset and began to spin around in circles. The tape kept coming off the dispenser and more and more of it got stuck on Sidney! He ran under the chair to get away from it! Then the tape that was stuck to Sidney got stuck to the leg of the chair and Sidney began to spin around and around..."

"You needn't go on, Helen. The picture is quite clear in my mind....Go fetch a pair of scissors from the kitchen and we will try to free Sidney from his prison of Scotch tape." I patted Helen on the head and assured her that everything would be fine.

I was unprepared the job which lay ahead. The shock of seeing Sidney wrapped like a mummy in Scotch tape, sent me into spasms of feline mirth. I clutched my stomach, trying to control the pain. Helen began to share in the moments of levity. Sidney glared at us. He couldn't scream or yell because a piece of tape had sealed his mouth shut.

Carefully, I began to cut apart the tape, trying to leave as much fur as possible on the cat and not on the sticky strips. I was not altogether successful....After all, cats do not have an opposing thumb and the manipulation of the scissors was difficult and at times precarious...Finally, after hours of cutting and snipping, Sidney was a free cat. "Eventually, your fur will grow back," I assured him, mewing softly.

He began to sob, his meows caught in his throat. "I look funny! I look really funny! I'm bald! It looks like I fell into a pan of hair remover! I don't have any fur on my tummy or feet!"

"That's alright, Sidney," purred Helen. "No one likes you anyway and you might give a few cats and our persons a good laugh! That would be a good thing!"

Sidney hid in the basement for a few days, only venturing upstairs in the dead of night. If our persons missed his presence, they said nothing. Then one morning, at breakfast, our male person asked the female person, "Did someone shave the cat?"

I rolled on the floor, clutching my stomach in feline mirth.....If only they knew....

I don't know how Raymond, my rodent activist friend found out about the incident with the Scotch tape but he dropped by one evening to extend his season's greeting "Sidney is one dumb pussycat!" He clutched his tummy in rodent mirth.