A Cat Park?

by Henri of Twin Brook

About a month ago, I was listening to our d*g Ashley barking to our neighbor's d*g, Emmet. She was discussing the merits of a certain location called THE D*G PARK. I had never heard one meow about such a place and was curious. "Ashley," I purred," please tell me about this place known as the D*G PARK. It sounds fascinating......"

"Oh, it's wonderful!" barked Ashley. "I've met such really nice dogs there! Anyone of importance in the canine world goes to the DOG PARK! Any dog who is anydog knows about me, Ashley, the most beautiful pooch in dogdom! Every dog who is important knows my name and knows my bark! I am somebody! I am somedog! I am the most popular pooch in the whole, entire world! I live for the DOG PARK!"

"Well, obviously you do like the place...." I hissed. It certainly has done wonders for your ego! Too bad it hasn't done wonders for you intelligence.....But then, you are a mere d*g."

"You're just jealous!" snapped Ashley, baring her teeth. She lunged at me. A quick right paw to the canine snout tempered her outburst. She squealed and fell back on her haunches. "I didn't mean to frighten you, Henri," she whimpered, rubbing her nose.

"You didn't!" I hissed loudly.

"If you like, I will ask the nice persons who built the DOG PARK to make a park just for cats," Ashley barked softly. "Just don't hit me again...please!"

"Let me think about it first," I meowed. "I'm not at all sure a park like you describe would be suitable for the feline temperament." I marched toward the living room, my shoulders proud, my tail held high.

I thought about the cat park. Would such a place be suitable for a cat? Of course the answer could only come to me if I myself, Henri of Twin Brook thoroughly investigated the proposal. I, Henri of Twin Brook must view the aforementioned DOG PARK and appraise its suitability.

On the next venture to Ashley's favorite place, I secreted myself in the back seat of the station wagon, just beyond the reach of the mutt's slobbering tongue. I have yet to convince her that cats do not require not desire to have their faces washed by canines. The ride in the station wagon seemed endless. Ashley was overwrought with joy as we approached the beloved site. As the vehicle drove into the parking lot the animal became totally unraveled and lunged through the opened door of the wagon and bounded toward the park's gate, to be greeted by a horde of equally insane canines beyond the latch to doggie heaven....I sat and watched as one d*g after another careened his/her way into that den of pleasure and abandon!

Never has a cat been as shocked as I! Thirty minutes of observing the pack of canines, running, chasing, rolling, howling, nipping and slobbering and generally behaving in the most disgusting manner was quite enough to dispel and notion that a cat park could be of any value to the feline population of this city! We cats do not chase each other from one end of an enclosure to the other for no reason! A cat chases prey! A cat chases after an enemy who has threatened the sanctity of the home and den! We do not run together as a pack of wild beasts incapable of intelligent thought! We do not nip, bite and drool over one another until we are covered in cat spit!

Nor do we roll around in the dirt and mud, soiling our beautiful fur! We might roll around in a dusty garden to discourage the misinformed flea from making our furry coat its home.... but never would we dream of encasing ourselves in a film of mud and grim. D*gs, on the other paw seem to delight im making themselves as unappetizing as possible and then bringing their undesirable selves into the car and house, thus tracking the debris they have gathered in those glorious moment of play and degradation, throughout the home, including the bed, the sofa, the chair. Shame upon them!

Regardless of what Ashley has barked, or whatever nonsense you might have heard, we feline citizens of this fair city do not need a CAT PARK. It would be totally beneath our dignity!